For any handyman who prides themselves on making improvements around the house, there are a wide variety of tools that they can call upon to get dissimilar jobs done. Although we don’t consciously recognize as much, the ways in which we communicate, with others and ourselves, very much resemble these jack-of-all-trades individuals. Whereas Mr. Fixit relies upon a hammer and drill, however, each and every one of us has a communication toolbox containing capacities such as voice, vocabulary, and body language.
While the hardware tools listed above, and others such as a wrench and saw, allow the handyman to most effectively accomplish specific tasks, there’s not a single instrument that offers him the flexibility of a Swiss Army knife. Likewise, we too have access to a communication skill that resembles the trusty do-it-all apparatus coming in the form of inquisitive questioning. Just as Mr. Fixit can conveniently call upon his versatile tool to assist him in nearly any project, we can rely upon everything from Microsoft Teams for Business, Slack, confidence, common knowledge, social etiquette, and questions to help us achieve almost all of our communication goals. It’s for this reason that questions are in fact the Swiss Army knife of great communication.
The Dynamic & Diverse Nature of Communication:
When we combine the environmental factors with our reasons for communicating, it becomes clear to see how one’s personality, as well as their situationally dependent rhetorical and relational strategies, continuously changes and more closely resemble Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde than it does the solidly fixed individuals they assume themselves to be. While the need to act in a manner that’s appropriate for the circumstances is never going to change, it’s certain that we can rely upon questions to help us achieve our interpersonal and intrapersonal communication goals regardless of the situation we find ourselves in. It’s for this reason that the late great German mathematician George Cantor proclaimed:
The art of proposing a question must be held of higher value than solving it.”
Skillfully Using Questions when Communicating with Others:
The functional versatility that makes questions the Swiss Army knife of great communication is most apparent to see by examining our interactions with others. Despite the fact that interpersonal communication, which can be defined as the exchanging of information between two or more people, comes in many different shapes and forms, there’s little doubt that skillfully constructed questions can help us in nearly all of them. While we’ll illuminate seven of the most advantageous ways here, it should be pointed out that this list only scratches the surface of questions’ far-reaching power:
Increase Knowledge:
The most obvious reason that we should ask more questions when communicating with others is that doing so allows us to increase our knowledge and understanding of a seemingly endless number of topics. In fact, since all of us have a uniquely individualized set of life experiences, worldviews, talents, and insights, each and every person we interact with offers us a chance to learn and grow. Let’s take a new business owner for example. They might want to establish a secure internal communication system for all their employees to discuss work. However, in order to do that, they would require knowledge about different privacy aspects like encryption and data protection. After all, they cannot just leave the confidential business for hackers to scoop up whenever they like. Hence, to protect the privacy of exchanged data, the business owner would need to know about options like skyecc, which he cannot without asking any questions in the first place.
Whether we want to increase our knowledge about our career, health, finances, relationships or other personal interests, it’s certain that skillful questioning can incomparably improve our understanding. It’s for this reason that the late great American novelist Thomas Berger once told us:
The are and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge.”
Create Meaningful Connections:
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Empathetically Gain Understanding:
Whether it’s at work, home or in our communities, one of the most powerful ways questions can improve our communication is by allowing us to gain an empathetic understanding of others. There’s good reason that empathy has recently become a trendy topic amongst relationship experts and that’s because truly understanding how others think, feel and see the world can help us make decisions with information from multiple perspective. It’s certain that when we ask questions with empathy, and are given the rare opportunity to step into another’s shoes, we’ll gain valuable insights that can help us improve our relationships and solve a wide variety of problems. Stephen Covey, the celebrated author of the iconic self-help book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, tells us:
When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”
Solicit Feedback to Improve Yourself:
Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”
Get Help in Times of Need:
There are inevitably times in each of our lives when we find ourselves in less-than-ideal situations that could be greatly improved by a few helping hands. Regardless of if this needs to call upon another arises because of psychical, mental, or emotional issues, we won’t receive the assistance we desire unless we ask. Despite the fact that many of us don’t reach out to others for help, thinking we’ll be an inconvenience to them, the world’s most successful individuals all come to realize that they can’t do everything on their own and that asking others for help isn’t a weakness like we perceive it to be but rather one of their greatest communication skills. The 44th President of The United States Barack Obama tells us:
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and then allows you to learn something new.”
Facilitate Healthy Dialogue & Debate:
For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.”
Encourage Others to Positively Transform Themselves:
One of the most valuable yet forgotten ways that we can use questions when communicate with others can be found in our abilities to lead others to important self-discovers and influence them to positively transform their lives. By strategically asking mind-expanding questions such as ‘Where would you like to be in 10 years?’ and ‘How can you get there?’, each and everyone of us has the opportunity to help our children, friends and peers become the best people they can be. American novelist and journalist Chuck Palahniuk reminds us:
If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. If you do that, you can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.”
Enriching Ourselves with Conscious Questions:
Either you must control your thoughts or the outside forces will control them and be warned that the outside forces usually consist of fears, worries and doubts.”
By making the commitment to spend just 5 to 10 minutes each day in a state of meditative contemplation, during which you reflect upon a set of predetermined questions, it’s certain that you can move yourself towards the achievement of your goals, find innovative solutions to problems you’re facing and increase your levels of happiness by transforming your limiting thoughts, behaviors, emotions and beliefs. Additionally, the practice of asking yourself conscious questions undoubtedly can lead to greater self-knowledge, assist in the cultivation of positive personal qualities and help you nourish your relationship with yourself. While it’ll be best to construct your own conscious questions, that are dependent upon where you are in life and where you want to go, a few you may want to consider are ‘Who am I?’, ‘What am I grateful for?’, ‘What do I want in life?’ and ‘How can I help the greater good?’. Remember, it’s because the power of our minds, which can be put to better use with this practice, that the immortalized German theologian Meister Eckhart once proclaimed:
What we plant in the soil of contemplation, we shall reap in the harvest of action.”
Getting More Out of Life by Asking More Questions:
Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”
To add the life-affirming skill of asking questions to your communication toolbox, it’ll be important to examine your life, your relationships with others and your vision for your future. Because no two people’s situations are the same, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll want to use the power of questions in the exact same way. Fortunately, because questions are the Swiss Army knife of great communication, we can tailor our curiosity and inquisitiveness to suit our needs. Although the longterm goal should be to become a highly competent questioner, it’s important to realize that we’ll need to persistently work at developing the skills. Regardless of where we find ourselves today, it’s always smart to heed the advice of Albert Einstein. The iconic German physicist whom many consider to be the most intelligent man to every walk the earth once told us:
The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has it’s own reason for existing.”